doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
