Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
