puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
