If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
