My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
