Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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