there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i've created a new STD.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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