sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
