I hate all girls vehemently.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
