I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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