wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
