True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
