I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
