Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh god it's open bar.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
