my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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