I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
