Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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