just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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