I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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