I wish I could punch you in the face.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
