I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
