You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
