I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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