i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
