what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
