no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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