No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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