What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
