I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
