Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
