uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
