just tell him i said nine months
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
