honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
