Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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