Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
