Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
