I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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