Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
MIDGETS
????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
