stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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