the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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