I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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