I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
