Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
