He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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