I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
