so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
