No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
