i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
