I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
