Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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